The Blue Whale Challenge Is Fucked!

WARNING *contains foul language*

I left my room, yes I actually left my room to speak to people.

The internet is a fucking dark place… So, I was having dinner with my family when my cousin asked me if I’d ever heard of the Blue Whale Challenge. No. I hadn’t. She then told me what it was. My curious mind wanted to know more so after dinner I did some research. So, basically, it’s a 50 day challenge where you receive a message from an administrator online asking you to take on a challenge. At first it’s as easy as waking up at 4:20 in the morning, watching a horror movie, going out for walks at random times, etc. Then it gets tougher. You wake up at 4:20 every day; making you feel tired, unaware of things, in the wrong state of mind. Even more vulnerable. You are then asked to start self harming, cutting a Blue Whale into your skin. Then, on the 50th day you either commit suicide or get killed or even have a loved one killed. What’s worse is that you have to show evidence that you have done the task set. You have to take a photo and send it to the admin.

The main target are teens that are vulnerable. Teens that are going through tough times, through depression or suicidal thoughts. The developer Phillip Budeikin has been caught and admit to trying to convince these teens into suicide. He said that they were “biological waste” and was trying to help clear the world of it. That the teens were going to die anyway but he was making it more of a challenge and enjoyable. If you ask me I think he is a fucking psychopath that needs to go into therapy and a lot more. 130 teens in Russia have commit suicide because of this damn challenge. It’s also spreading into multiple other countries.

As someone who has mental health issues and does have suicidal thoughts it’s easy to fall into such traps. Being a teenager and going through it alone doesn’t help either. But I also think that the teens are stupid enough to actually think this is something to consider. If you are having problems then go and ask for help. I know it’s easy said than done since I’ve still not asked for it knowing that I need it. However, that doesn’t mean that such challenges will fix things. Teenagers these days are well aware of the risks on the internet, no matter how young they are. The challenge still goes on even though Phillip has been caught. A link gets sent to teens that join an online group. What’s worse is that there are multiple ways of trapping kids into clicking on the link. 

It’s stupid and inhuman to get teens to kill themselves.

I don’t know or care who reads this. Whether you are a mother, father, brother, sister, teenager, adult, cat, dog…whatever. Please be aware of this challege. Especially if you have a loved one who is young. Make sure that are aware not to join random groups on social media and fall into the trap of opening a link sent to them. Who knows, it could end up being a link to this stupid challenge. Life is the most valuable thing and to have to give it up because of a stupid guy that made a stupid challenge is unforgivable.

I’m not writing this post to entice you into trying the challenge or even trying to look it up to try. I’m informing you that it’s dangerous and you should know that you, your siblings, your kids needs to be safe while on the internet.

Please be aware of this challenge.


Let Me In (2010): Film Review

Let Me In is an American-British romantic horror film made in 2010, directed by Matt Reeves. It’s a remake of the original film Let The Right One In in 2008, directed by Tomas Alfredson. Based on the best seller by John Ajvide Lindqvist.

The film is about a 12-yr old boy, called Owen, that lives in an apartment with his mum. His father doesn’t live with them as both parents are filing for a divorce. Owen is bullied at school and no one really knows why. It could be because he isn’t like most of the other boys, he has a strange aura about him. To be honest, I found him a little strange and creepy but that doesn’t give anyone the right to bully him. I guess it’s to make the film more interesting and part of the plot.

One-night Owen sees a man, Thomas, and his daughter, Abby, moving into the apartment next to his. When Owen looks at the Abby closely, he sees that she’s walking on snow barefoot and that she seems unfazed by the cold. There is definitely an element of surprise in the film. For those who haven’t seen the original or know nothing about the film there is a surprise. First of all, Thomas kills a woman by getting in the back of her car when she’s shopping and uses chloroform to make her unconscious. He then takes her and hangs her upside down on a tree and drains her blood out; which makes him seem like a psychotic maniac that gets off of killing people. But then you realise that there is a reason for why he kills people. He’s doing it for Abby.

Abby then goes out and kills a man because Thomas is unsuccessful and he is left to clean up after Abby. He gets pissed off at her and Owen can hear everything through the thin walls. The next time they meet up Owen asks why Thomas was angry. Owen feels bad for Abby and takes her out to the arcade where she eats human food. She then pukes outside and Owen hugs her. That’s when she asks him the question. “Would you still like me… even if I wasn’t a girl?”. His response is that he would still like her.

The film has a different take on vampires. In this day and age most people would think of a glittery vampire like Edward Cullen, or ever a blood thirsty killing machine like Dracula. Abby is neither of these. She seems to be more of a humanised monster, looking like a regular human, until she smells blood of course. Owen finds out that Abby is monster after he tries to make a pact with her and he draws a spot of blood. A drop falls to the floor and Abby changes, she licks the blood from the floor. However, Owen seems unfazed by her actions.

Thomas tries to kidnap another person to draw blood from but manages to mess it all up. He ends up having to pour acid over his face and having Abby suck the blood out of him. He could no longer care for her and asked her to kill him. Abby goes back to Owen and tells him that she must leave. You see Owen watch her get into the back of a taxi leaving him behind.

The climax of the film was the pool scene. It’s clear the Abby has formed an emotional attachment to Owen as she comes back to save him. As mentioned before Owen is bullied and on a trip out he hurts one of the bullies by whacking him with a metal pole to the ear. The bullies brother then tries to get revenge on Owen by trying to drown him in the school pool. While Owen is being forced to stay under water for three whole minutes Abby comes and attacks the bullies. As the audience, all you see is Owen under water, you hear Abby biting her victims and you hear screams. You don’t actually see what happens. She’s not a monster that kills for the sake of it. She is portrayed as more of an innocent vampire that attacks for justice.

The film doesn’t seem like a horror, this is because of what is portrayed at horror in modern cinema. It’s a less shocking form of horror. The only way you sort of get the gist of it being a horror is from the unusual soundtracks and it being a dark lit film. As a vampire film should be. There is a lot of dark lighting and a majority of the film is shot in the dark. Purely because of the whole ‘Vampires die in natural daylight’.
The relationship between Thomas and Abby is quite queer. At first, when I watched the original film, I thought that it was her father then later realised that that is impossible. Since Abby is a vampire and has been “12 for a very long time.” there is no way that he’s her father. Also, the relationship between Owen and his mother doesn’t feel natural. It’s almost as if he’s been neglected by both his mother and father and they don’t really care about him. It feels as if Abby cares more about him than his parents.

The ending of the film is very open. You see that Owen is on the train to somewhere with a trunk in front of him. It’s obvious that Abby is in there as he uses the mores-code to communicate with her; the code that he taught her to use so they could speak through the wall. It’s ambiguous of him to only be 12-years-old and just leave his mother behind and leave with a monster that he only met a few weeks ago. This takes me back to Thomas. It could be possible that he was in a similar position to Owen. He might have been in love with Abby at one point and then as he grew older and Abby stayed the same age he ended up looking after her till the end of his days. Owen may have to encounter the same life that Thomas did. It doesn’t show us where they are going but that they are leaving town.

This is a very unusual horror film in my opinion. There is love involved, between a human and a monster, bullying, and violence. That’s not what’s unusual though, it’s just the fact that the film is classed a horror. However, I do understand that it is as the original film ‘Let The Right One In’ was produced earlier and it’s not an American film. It’s in fact a Swedish film and from what I understand their understanding and perception of what horror is different to what an American or British horror is. You may think of a vampire as a scary blood sucking, no remorseful kind of monster but “Each age gets the vampire it deserves.” Nina Auerbach.

I do prefer the original film to the remake, however if you don’t understand Spanish or Swedish and are not a fan of subtitles, I’d suggest you watch the remake. They are very similar; the only real difference is the language and the country it’s set in. The setting and mis-en-scene is pretty spot on in it being the exact same.


Fun fact: From what I have read online, Eli/Abby was castrated by an evil lord. So, she was actually born a he and after being castrated was turned into a vampire. Which meant having to leave him family behind.


Friend Request (2016) – Film review

*WARNING* Contains spoilers.

Friend Request is a 2016 horror, thriller, Simon Verhoeven. A university student named Laura un-friends a mysterious girl who cyber stalks her.

Now, I’m usually terrified of watching horror films. However, these days something has changed. I really enjoy watching them, I mean as long as there are no clowns involved. Little girls and dolls freak me out too but not as much as clowns. Luckily, Friend Request has none of the above.

So, basically, Marina cyber stalks Laura. Marina is a very lonely girl that has no friends whatsoever, while Laura is one of the popular girls; not those snobby ones, she’s actually down to earth. As soon as Laura un-friends Marina she finds herself fighting a demon that wants to make her lonely by killing everyone she cares about. Marina was never actually a student at the university; no body actually knew her name or who she was. Kobe, one of Laura’s friends helps her find out that Marina is actually a demonic character that is after Laura. She soon figures out where Marina went to school and finds out more about her by going there. She then figures out that she has to go to the place that Marina commit suicide to destroy the black mirror that turned Marina into the evil witch.

Kobe and Laura go to the house that Marina commit suicide in, to find her laptop so that it could be destroyed. While searching the house Kobe and Laura get split up and Kobe sees Marina walking out of the basement. He knows he’s next to die but is saved by Laura as she bumps into him. When Laura tells him there is nothing there Kobe suggests the basement. They both enter the basement and while in there Laura finds Kobe looking at his reflection in the mirror. He then turns around and stabs Laura. He knows that if she dies then it all ends and he can save himself and Tyler (Laura’s boyfriend). Laura escaped Kobe and then she realises that Marina killed herself in one of the nearby factories. She goes to the factory and there she meets Tyler. She doesn’t know that Kobe is with him until he stabs Tyler in the throat. He tries to go for Laura again but before he can do anything Marina’s wasps attack and kill him.

At this point Laura is dazed after everyone she’s ever loved is dead. Seven-year-old Marina’s apparition appears and leads Laura to her body and laptop which transports her to one of Marina’s earlier posts. Laura is now attacked by Marina.

The story was very strange but also very interesting. I thought that Marina would end up being some sort of serial killer; she had that whole emo serial killer vibe going. I mean she is, but I thought she would be a human form rather than being a demonic witch. I also didn’t expect Kobe to turn on Laura; I thought he had a thing for her. To be honest, I don’t blame in. I would probably kill my crush in order to live too. Unless I loved him, then that would be a whole different story. I didn’t understand why Marina had to kill Laura’s mother. I thought it was strictly friends since the film is called Friend Request not Friends and Family Request. Maybe because Marina lost her own mother in the house fire she thought that it would be best for Laura to lose her mother too. Kind of harsh if you ask me.

Like I mentioned earlier I am not as scared of horror films as I used to be. I mean, as long as I watch them during the day and there is a lot of light coming into the room. No clowns. No little girls. No dolls. And I will be alright. The only thing that gets me is the jump scares. Apart from that I’m alright. All the deformation, bloody, gore and guts doesn’t scare me to be honest. I think I’m more afraid of the horror genre when I play video games. Even if it isn’t actually a horror *cough* Uncharted 1 *cough*.

Anyway, let me know what your thoughts on the film are. Did it make you want to completely delete you Facebook account?

12 Feet Deep (2016) – Film Review

*WARNING* Contains spoilers.

12 Feet Deep is a 2016 thriller, directed by Matt Eskandari. The film is about two sisters, Bree and Jonna who get trapped under a fiberglass cover in a public Olympic sized swimming pool. That’s pretty much the whole film.

Not going to lie; I found the film to be extremely boring and pointless. It’s literally all about two sister stuck under the pool cover. All because Jonna was being a bitch and threw Bree’s engagement ring into the pool. Bree then goes to get it out but it’s stuck, so Jonna goes in to help and the guard doesn’t see the girls. He thinks the pool’s empty and closes the cover.

The only reason I carried on watching it was because I just wanted to know whether the girls survive or not. I sort of expected Bree to die since she was Diabetic and had a sugar low. I mean I sort of knew the writer wouldn’t kill her off but they also made it super unrealistic; and I wanted to know how they would actually find a way out. It was the holiday weekend so they would have had to stay there for the whole weekend. Also, the protagonist was kind of crap too. I mean, I knew she was going to be a big softy. You could just tell from her character that she was never going to be able to murder those girls, even when she did point the gun at them both. No way was she going to pull the trigger. At one point I thought she would pull it on herself but she just ran away. I mean Honey we all have issues but that’s just a new low.

What I didn’t understand was that Bree’s Fiance, David, said that he was going to call the cops if she didn’t call him back in 5 minutes. Where did he go and what happened to him calling the cops? Did the protagonist somehow get him and kill him? I know for a fact she didn’t call him or text him. He didn’t even turn up when the cops finally did arrive. The only reason they came was because Jonna called them using Bree’s phone.

If you’re worst fear is being in water or being trapped in a pool and you are looking for a thrill then this film is great. If you aren’t really a fan of the whole film being shot in one small location with nothing major happening then this is not a film for you. I thought I’d give it a watch as it kept popping up in the film recommendations. I would say that it was a waste of my time. I really didn’t enjoy it, but that’s entirely my own opinion. You might tell me that you thought it was an amazing film. That you loved every second of it. For me it just wasn’t interesting.

I know this review is quite short and not very detailed but there really isn’t much else for me to say.

If you do watch it, have already seen it; let me know your thoughts.

The University of Bedfordshire lied to me!

The University of Bedfordshire is rubbish in my opinion. If you want to know why then carry on reading.

When people hear the word university you think students getting drunk, having hangovers while attending lectures, having fun and most of all learning. I experienced all of this while at university but it was not at my own comfort.

  1. Student Village.

Student Village is the halls of the university. I was excited to move in as most first years are. Living alone, away from home, I can do whatever I want. I, again, was doing all of these. Being in a wheelchair wasn’t going to stop me from being independent. However, having been given a room on the 2nd floor wasn’t going to help with this. I asked for a ground floor room and was given one on the 2nd floor since the building didn’t accommodate for wheelchair users on the ground floor. What kind of stupid building planning is this?

Then came the actual room. It was basically just a normal deluxe room with a bathroom that was all one level. By one level, I mean no dip near the shower area so when you shower the whole bathroom floods. I also had no space at all to take my wheelchair into the bathroom. I wasn’t exactly going to take my electric wheelchair into the bathroom and have it stop working. My wheelchair hardly had any space to move around in the room itself without me having knocked something over or scratched the walls and my chair.

That’s not the worst part, the worst part is that the elevator stopped working so I was stuck up in the flat for a week. No one from the desk downstairs bothered to ask me if I was okay or not. They assumed that I had gone home. They only found out that I was upstairs when my mum called to ask if she would be allowed to come up to see me as she’d need a security fob to get in. I missed my first live assessment and got a D because of the life situation. Mitigation were informed that it was my first attempt, therefore, should be allowed to get a higher grade. They didn’t give a toss and gave me a D when my lecturer said it was a clear B. I also had a hospital appointment which I couldn’t miss so had to get home. In the end, the staff at halls had to assist me down the two flights of stairs, luckily, I can get down them walking, and carry my chair down. Now, I tell you one thing, an electric wheelchair is not light.

For health and safety reasons I was given a fire escape plan. In case of a fire I was to stay in my room until someone came to assist me. The fire alarm went off a numerous amount of times yet no one came to knock on my door. They just didn’t bother. Luckily, they were just drills but when they were happening I didn’t know this. After it happened a few times I just used to ignore them and carry on with what I was doing. This is not safe at all. What if it were a real fire and I am just doing my own thing. Having a shower, sleeping etc.

  1. The University.

I had asked the university for help in regards to getting an extra table into some of my classrooms as most had chairs with tables attached to them. Having no desk in class meant that taking notes was almost impossible. Even if I had my laptop to help make taking notes easier I couldn’t exactly rest it on my lap. This wasn’t just a request for myself either. I asked for the benefit of the two other wheelchair persons in my class as well. In one of the lectures I used to turn one of the chairs around so that I could use the table that was attached to it. However, this isn’t really helpful. What if there wasn’t a spare chair that I could use?

There was only one elevator for the wing that I used. There was no other way of reaching the 4th floor. The other floors were connected to the main wings so we could use the elevators there. Half the time the lift that I needed to use was out of service so I missed a majority of my lectures. The lecturer and myself requested the classroom be changed but nothing was done about it. I wasn’t the only one who missed out on lessons, other wheelchair users did too and it wasn’t just a seminar, it was a lecture.

  1. Uni of Beds lied to me. 

Now comes the main part. They lied to me. Due to issues, I was already having with the accommodation and the university itself I decided that it got all too much for me. I was depressed and felt trapped. I was having constant panic attacks and just couldn’t handle being there much longer, even though I had my best friend live with me in the flat. I had to get out of there and fast. I complete my first year by struggling and had in fact gone back to second year. I regret it now I think back to it.

I decided to leave and I did so in October. The same month that I had started my second year. Now, when you withdraw, it is the universities duty to let student finance know as soon as possible. Uni of Beds decided not to tell them and carried on receiving my tuition fee. I only found out at the beginning of my, would have been, second term; when I received a text from student finance telling me that my money would arrive in the next few days. I called finance and they said the uni hadn’t said anything and it was too late for them to cancel the transfer. They needed evidence from uni before I could return their money back. There was no point in me keeping it if I didn’t need it.

I had to call and email the uni several times before they actually decided to respond to me and let student finance know. It had been three months since I left. Before I left I made sure on whether I had to contact finance and I got told by the uni that they do it automatically. Liars. That’s not what the big lie is about though.

I applied back to Beds, to start from second year on the same course. The reason for this is because it was costing a lot of money for me to apply to another uni onto another course. Because I already used two years of finance up, whether I stayed at uni for a few days in second year or not, which leaves me with two years remaining, I have to pay first year’s tuition fees. Beds missed the deadline the first time so declined. I emailed them and asked why they declined me and they said because they missed the deadline. The academics were considering my application because I dropped out and wanted to go back. I phoned numerous times to ask if there had been any updates because I had asked different uni’s if I could apply to them via clearing as back up. However, every time I called I was asked to call back again the following day. This happened for two weeks, as well as me emailing them. I then decided to wait for A Level results to come out in case they go through my file then. The day after results were out I called and was verbally told that I had received an unconditional offer. In all the excitement, I asked to withdraw from West London, where I had received a place via clearing and called Beds to sort out my finance. Finance asked me to get the uni to send them evidence that I was returning back to Beds. I called Beds and they said that it showed I was going to attend West London so I had to call them and ask to be released in clearing. I called and emailed West London and it was done within an hour. However, it was too late to call Beds back to let them know I was back in clearing.
I called the next day to let them know the situation and if they could send evidence to finance. To my surprise I was then told that I didn’t actually have an offer. SO, THEY LIED TO ME ABOUT GETTING AN OFFER! I withdrew from West London. A uni that had accepted me and was ready to enrol me as their student. I was furious and was told that I had to wait for academics to update my file. I went to the university in person on the same day and asked to speak to someone in admissions but no one wanted to help me. On my UCAS it said I was open for clearing yet on Beds system it said I was going to West London. I was asked to call West London and UCAS then and there which I did. In the end, no one came to help me and they just sent me back home. I was annoyed by this and had decided to withdraw my application for Beds and I emailed West London my situation. They then told me that on UCAS it showed that I had applied to Beds so to be released by them and then I could re-apply to West London. I called and emailed Beds to ask for it to be done as soon as possible and once it was done I applied to West London again. Luckily, they took me back. The only downfall is that I will have to pay first year’s tuition fee which is £9,250. I am lucky enough to have parents that have money saved up and have offered to help me pay otherwise I would be sitting at home with no education.

I don’t understand why they would have lied to me about getting my place. It’s not as if I called once on that day, I called twice. If the second time I called they said they’d made a mistake then that’s a whole different story. No. They told me the next day when I withdrew from another uni. I guess it’s my own fault for not getting a written confirmation but they were taking way too long to reply to my application as it was. Playing me about, asking me to call back every day. That still gives them no right to tell me lies.

There are only two good things that I got out from Beds and that’s Radio LaB and my friends. I was a presenter at Radio LaB and it was one of the best things I’ve done. I loved having my own two hours show every week. If I could experience it again I would. I also have the most amazing friends that I could have ever asked for. I talk to them on a daily basis and we tell each other everything. Even though I am no longer a student at Beds we are super close and I am grateful to have met them. Whether my experience at uni was good or bad. I got to go out with them for the time that I was there and I know that no matter what I will always have them to rant to and fall back on when I need to.

Overall my experience with the University of Bedfordshire has been rubbish.

Dealing with Mental Health

*Trigger Warning* 

I would like to give you a heads up! This is going to be one emotional roller coaster of a ride. So, prepare yourself for what you are about to read. If you are easily triggered I suggest that you don’t read this or do at your own cost.

This is also going to be a long ass post so I appreciate if you read it all or even the first or last paragraph.

Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams and most recently Chester Bennington to name a few famous, inspirational idols have lost their battles with depression and I don’t want anyone else to lose. Whether they are famous or not. No one should have to suffer in silence.

I’ve been battling my demons since I was around 9 years of age, so for about 13 years. It started when I found out that my mum was going through depression because of me. I had started breaking my bones at the age of 6 and it just got worse; to the point where I would be in hospital for 12 weeks twice a year. I would break bones left, right and centre. This is when my mum developed depression. She had to become my full-time carer. Imagine your child having to suffer so much pain on a daily basis and you having to watch. Not fun.

So, once I found out mum was depressed I started blaming myself. No matter how many times she told me that it wasn’t my fault. I always felt as if it was and I still do; she is no longer depressed, thank God. I kept blaming myself for how crap my mum felt which lead to me self-harming. *Trigger warning* I started to cut my skin open on my wrists. Not to the extent that it would do a lot of damage but enough for me to feel the pain, draw blood, feel punished for what I’d had done to my mum. Because of me she had to quit her job, leave her friends, not have a social life. The thing was I was never afraid of going too far, it wasn’t my intention to but if I did I wouldn’t care. I had also discovered that I had major mood swings. Everyone around me assumed it was just teenage hormones and didn’t think of it as anything. Just another moody teenager.  

School didn’t help much either. I know I was hardly ever there because I was either at the hospital or stuck at home with a broken bone. But, the time I spent at school was the worst. After my bones got so bad that I ended up being wheelchair bound I had to change school. I got to year 1, then year 2 I had to do twice. After that I didn’t complete a full year of school until year 10. Thrown straight into GCSE’s. During the time that I did manage a day or two in middle school I got bullied. I have no idea why or what for but I got bullied about my weight (gained a lot due to lack of exercise and movement), the way I looked, and for being in a wheelchair. It hurt me to the point that I didn’t think I was worthy enough to live. It carried on to High School too.

I felt as if I was in a dark tunnel with no end. It just kept going; darkness.
Imagine having to wake up battling your demons, from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes and let your brain switch off. It’s the worst feeling ever and I salute the people that are constantly fighting with their own mind.

It does get better, I promise but for now it’s still pretty bad.

During year 11 I had decided that I had enough. This was getting too much. I now had voices in my head telling me to do things I didn’t want to. Every time I asked them to give me a second of silence they just got louder. They never let me live in peace. I decided that it was time for these voices to leave me and there was only one way. I did try but was unsuccessful. I recovered and complete my GCSE exams; which I failed.

I was ready for a new start. To forget my past and move forward. I went to college to study BTEC Film and Television. All this time I had never told anyone I was suffering. I carried on the same in the first year of college. However, things changed during my second year. I met one of my best friends and she was the very first person I told about my self-harm and what I had done. At this point I was still self-harming; just so that I could feel pain, to make sure I could still feel because I constantly felt numb inside. She came with me to talk to my personal tutor about the things I felt and did and done. I was referred to the college counsellor. I thought it would help me, speaking about all of this, opening the lid to the bottle, but instead she just made me feel shit. She made me feel worse, useless. I stopped seeing her and carried on with the same thing. I again tried to get rid of my demons and once again was unsuccessful.

Fast forward two years and I got into university to do a course I thought was the safe option. Media Production (Radio). I complete the first year, having a few struggles but getting through. I made amazing friends that support and love me; the voices went quiet for a while. I proceeded onto second year and halfway through the first month I had a breakdown. I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt worthless; education has never been on my side and this time I couldn’t take it. I decided to drop out and I hated myself more than anything when I did. I instantly regret it because of what my family kept saying to me.

Because I don’t have any GCSE’s or anything else to work with, finding a job is difficult. Especially with my disability as well. It got to the point where everything was going down again. The voices were back and louder than ever before. There was only one way to stop them. I tried again; I thought that this time it would actually work. I was very sick for 3 days but my family thought it was a stomach bug and I didn’t say anything. I was unsuccessful again. During this time I hid from my family to the extent where I locked myself in the bathroom for over an hour to avoid a telephone call from a family member in another country. I have such bad social anxiety that I hardly leave my room let alone my house. Again, my family don’t understand it but I don’t expect them to as everyone else is confident and very social.

(I also suffer from major phone call and social anxiety).

It’s going to be a year in October since I dropped out of university. I’ve been applying to other universities as well as the previous one in hope that I can go back to studying. I haven’t been as successful as I was the first time but I am not going to give up until I get offered a place.

There are a lot of people out there suffering mental health issues. I still haven’t been able to tell my family about mine. They are very old fashioned and wouldn’t understand. I have tried to speak to them about it before but they’ve always brushed it off as me being moody or just weird. They don’t know about the self-harm or the attempted suicide. My friends. They know because they are the people I turn to when I am having a bad day. My way of dealing with every day demons is that I get creative. I draw, read, write, sing, write lyrics; anything to keep me from doing things I don’t want to do. From hurting myself. If I am not creating I end up thinking; thinking about things I shouldn’t think about; about what if’s. When that doesn’t work I message a friend and hope they can help me. A lot of them don’t understand what I go through and I don’t want to burden them so I keep quiet; however, even if they don’t understand they still support and want to help me. The ones that do understand let me know that I am worth it and that they will always be by my side no matter how hard I hit rock bottom. No matter how many times they tell me they love me and that I am an amazing person; some even called me an inspiration; I will never be able to believe them. I will always be worthless in my eyes.

I mostly turn to people like Dodie Clarke and Demi Lovato when I feel like it’s the end of the world. These two ladies speak out about their mental health that it’s like therapy to me. Them just speaking out about how they feel gives me a little bit of hope. Hope that things will get better.

I do still self-harm but not to the extent I used to. I do have visible scars on my wrist but most are covered up with tattoos. I hope that one day I stop and never look at a blade in the same way again. Sometimes I still feel like I’m stuck in that tunnel but I know that one day there will be an end to this tunnel. There will be a light at the end of it.

I know I’m a hypocrite when I say please get help; ask for help when you need it. But I’m going to say it anyway. I have the help of my friends and I know that I need professional help but it’s difficult when your family doesn’t understand. When you like in a society that shuns down on mental health issues. That doesn’t mean that I should be scared but I am. That’s just the way I am. I know that one day it will get to the point where I will have to get professional help whether I want it or not but for now I am okay.

I hope that this has somehow helped someone in one way or another.

All you need is FAITH, TRUST and a little PIXIE DUST – Peter Pan

All the love,
Divya x


Pete’s Dragon (2016)

I was flicking through the channels and I saw that The Lion King was about to start. As any other 22 year old I decided to watch the Disney classic. I watched the film with my mum and it had to come to an end sooner or later. When it did I didn’t bother to change the channel, nor did I check what was coming on next, all I knew that it was going to be another film as it was one the the Sky Movies channels.

Pete’s Dragon directed by David Lowery in 2016. It is an adaptation to the music of the same name written by Malcolm Marmorstein in 1977. The film is about a young boy called Pete, who is 5 years old and on a road trip with his parents. They are in a car accident and Pete’s parents die, however, Pete survives and is chased into the forest by wolves. He is rescued by a dragon with green fur, yellow eyes and great big wigs. Pete names the dragon Elliot after one of the characters in his favourite book.

Six years go by and Pete has adapted to living in the forest with Elliot, until he sees men cutting down the trees in his home. A girl called Natalie, of a similar age, sees Pete and runs after her; she climbs a tree and screams as she falls down it. Pete saves her but her scream attracts he dad’s attention. Pete tries to run away from them in hope to escape and get back to Elliot but get’s knocked out by Gavin; Jack’s, Natalie’s dad, brother, accidentally.  Pete wakes up in hospital and tries to escape to get back to Elliot but gets stopped and taken to Jack’s home along with Natalie and Jack’s girlfriend Grace. Grace promises to take him back to the forest the next day, as long as he spent the night with them.
While Pete is in hospital Gavin finds out about Elliot and has his eyes on the prize.

The next day Gavin and his men go back to the forest and look for Elliot to try and capture him.

The film is captivating and touches your heart. I loved watching the film from start to finish. I couldn’t move my eyes off the screen. Every second of it was interesting. There wasn’t a moment when I thought that I wanted to change the channel. I’m not very interested in such films but this one was different. The graphics and CGI was similar to Okja’s yet still very different.

My favourite part of the film was definitely the end as Pete got to live with a proper family and Elliot found more dragons to live with. Pete ends up getting adopted by Jack and Grace, and every so often they go and see Elliot and his friends. Even though Pete no longer lives in the forest with Elliot they are still an unbreakable duo, just like Mija and Okja.

I was a little teary at some part of the movie; especially when Pete and Elliot got separated. However, I liked the chemistry between the two characters. When Pete asked Elliot to stop what he was doing otherwise he would hurt others Elliot didn’t listen but then he realised how much those people meant to Pete so saved them.

I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed watching the film, my mum did too.

A fantasy comedy-drama adventure film that is a must see.